Make Them Cum: Vacation sex is vital

Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissey

I am happy to welcome the warmth again and to help people use this time to improve their sex life. We typically have more sex in the summer (as I discussed in my December column). Even couples who have avoided intimacy often share with me that they have sex more frequently and without too much extra effort when temperatures rise.

Huzzah! But, dear ones, the low bars are easy to beat. I want to help you increase the amount of sex you are having and find ways to help you lift that level off the floor in the long run. Let’s talk about how to use a romantic vacation to increase intimacy in your relationship.

The Gottman Institute found that there are 13 things in common between couples who have a great sex life. One of them is that they take romantic vacations. Family vacations can be key to bonding with your children and creating formative memories for them, but you still need to spend time one-on-one with your love.

Happier and more excited

Excitement and spontaneity add nuance to relationships. Esther Perel, world-renowned relationship therapist and author of Mating in captivity, says nuance is vital to maintaining eroticism and desire. Doing things like trying new foods, hiking in the mountains, watching the sunset, or seeing a famous work of art together can induce these feelings.

How much of a vacation should you book?

A Finnish study has shown that eight days is the optimal time for people to experience the maximum joy and excitement from their vacation. Maybe you can’t take a full week, but can you save a three-day weekend in a few hours of driving without the kids? Get help from grandparents, aunts, uncles, babysitters or even neighbors to make this happen.

Planning a vacation together creates something called shared anticipation. When you look at websites together, send links to each other, or add items to your Vacation Dreams Pinterest board, there’s a certain happy swirl that flutters. In fact, you’re likely to be happiest in the weeks and months leading up to a vacation.

Happier couples often have more sex. Use this time to increase the level of intimacy before you even pack your bags. Try snuggling up on the sofa while watching YouTube videos of potential destinations and activities. Touch their leg as you swipe together on your laptop. Exit after clicking on “Book your reservation”. Intimacy is much more than sex.

Mom came here to relax and fuck

If hearing the kids running around the hallways or playing by the pool kills the vibe for you, consider an adults-only place. This doesn’t have to be a spicy venue like Temptations or Hedonism – any hotel over 18 will be fine if you worry about ending up in “Mommy” mode.

You can ask reception if they put you at the end of a corridor, away from elevators and away from families with small children. Act like you’re on a second honeymoon – you might even get a room upgrade!

Thanks to Dr. Emily Nagowski and her book Come as you are, sexologists and laymen alike were introduced to the double-check model. What we understand from his research is that people have exciters and inhibitors, or accelerators and brakes.

While I’m a big fan of compromise, I don’t think vacations are something to compromise on. If you drag your spouse to an island to go scuba diving when he’s afraid of the ocean, he’ll hit the brakes. Perhaps to a point of no return. You won’t get the delicious vacation sex you were hoping for.

Instead, compromise on things like the quality of the room at the resort, which excursion to book, or how long you want your couple’s massage to last.

How to slide it

Put sex on your calendar, like you did on vacation. I get a lot of pushbacks about this when I first talk to clients and friends about it, but listen to me.

In the early stages of dating, when you had to coordinate calendars for a mutually pleasing dinner, pack a bag for the night (just in case), and have sex or tease or flirt about what you were going to do after your date night, this could come as one. shock. You were planning your sex life.

In fact, chances are you’ve stopped planning your sex life that you may be missing these days. I said what I said. Go put that shit on the calendar now. Research supports me on this.

Ask yourself what lessons or experiences you can bring into your daily life once you are home.

Maybe you’ve got an update on how cool it is to mess around with fresh sheets – go and buy a new high-thread count Egyptian cotton set. If you’ve had the chance to go horseback riding or 4WD and couldn’t stop feeling the vibration, spend more time together outdoors. Learn to replicate some flavorful food that you both enjoyed so that when you have it at home, the memories of that vacation come to the fore and ignite you both.

Holidays are not limited to summer. Shortly after your trip ends, check your budget and calendars and plan an off-season vacation. The foreplay begins as soon as the sexual encounter ends. Keep engaging one-on-one together. Your sex life will thank you for it.